Dear Mr Mandelson
please dont stop us sharing
Afterall, I voted for your party
While everyone else gave up caring

Jonathan Harker, lawyer by trade,
Travelled abroad, to go to the aid
Of a chap who downloaded The Cheeky Girls’ songs,
A deed, you’ll agree, that is riddled with wrongs.

Now the fellow in question agreed it was naughty
To download a song that was in the Top Forty,
But the way he was punished, he thought, was absurd;
The Count cut him off, without saying a word.

Now, the Count that I mentioned was a terrible creature;
There was evil to see in each twisted old feature.
He was crazy with power, and persistent as lice –
The villagers killed him; he came back to life twice.

And the mood in the town was distinctly foreboding,
The Count’s latest fancy was a ban on downloading.
No trial, no jury, just kids telling tales
And whining about their diminishing sales,

And yes, it is true that it’s theft (I suppose),
But a thief, when he’s caught, to the magistrate goes!
But the Count, in his wisdom, had other ideas,
And these were the sources of Jonathan’s fears.

The Count’s ruthless plan was to punish offenders,
Their families, neighbours and legal defenders;
He didn’t care who had committed the crime,
He punished them all, which, I’ll grant, saved some time.

Now, reader, I beg you to learn from this tale!
Ere long, for YouTubing you’ll end up in jail.
You’re safe in the daylight, but at dusk he will wake;
You must stab his proposals through the heart, with a stake.

There was a young lad called Mandy
Who had issues with misused broad-bandy
His teeth he was baring
Because too much file-sharing
Involved illegal eye-candy

‘Three strikes will fill them with fear!’
Was Mandy’s big bright idea
But unless your Wi-fi’s secure
It might be a lure
For freeloaders with the right gear